We Hate Pershore

Unlike the quaint Gloucestershire burr, or the earthy honesty of the Black Country dialect, the Pershore language is more of a twang on the cheesewire of English than a pluck on its harp strings. It is a coarse, guttural dialect that leaves the (non-Pershorite) listener cringing in aural agony.

A person visiting Pershore for the first time will most likely encounter such things as the possessives and verbs, listed below. However, prolonged contact with the natives will reveal that language itself is just the tip of a terrifying and disturbing iceberg. For examples of this, please see the section 'Quotes', below.

As always, if you have something you would like to add to our pages, please email us at wehatepershore@hotmail.co.uk!

Ams = Are, eg: "Looking for Cedar Mansions, ams you?"

I's = Singular possessive pronoun, a great catch-all to mean anything from 'I am' to 'I have', eg: "I's always lived here."

We's = Plural possessive pronoun, as with I's it covers a multitude of possession, eg: "We's both locals, see."

You's = Plural third person possessive pronoun to cover all forms of possession, eg: "You's not from round here, ams you?"

Her's = Reference to female companion, usually only used by men over the age of 55, eg: "Her's at home tonight."

In Pershore, the past tense of the verb is apparently not enough to let the listener know that the action occurred in the past. It is also essential to note the term 'had', or 'was', just to make doubly certain the listener holds no ambiguity:

"I's learned him well'

'I was wrote to last week'

'I had spoke to him about it before'

To emphasise an adjective it is not enough to say, for example, "these ice cubes are cold". In Pershore it is necessary to insert the linking word 'ams':

These ams cold ice cubes.

Another common Pershore trait, these wonderful little gems will leave the more astute listener wondering... "Well did you, or didn't you?".

"I told him, I's not giving you nothing!"

"I's not going nowhere on that bike!"

"Screaming at me, she were, but I didn't hear nothing."

Nowhere is this more orally pronounced than in Pershore. In fact, we wouldn't be surprised if there was a Pershore School of Elocution set up to encourage Pershorite Sprogs to enunciate their 'ofs'.

"You could of called me."

"You should of said something to him."

"I would of but I was too bladdered."

Unfortunately, all of the quotes listed here are genuine. We couldn't make these up if we tried. Some are included for their sheer abuse of the English language, while others demonstrate the mentality of those who live in and around Pershore.

"I would of rang you but I didn't have no credit." [overheard on the bus]

"I never finished school, and it never done me no harm." [Source: an Assistant Manager, reputedly earning around £5.50 per hour]

"Nice chips!" "Ahh, these ams nice chips!" [overheard in a pub]

"I an't bought nuffin, 'cept these 27 chocolate bars..." [Source: teenage girl outside the Co-Op]

"Her's at 'ome cooking now, her didn't want to come out tonight." [overheard in a pub]

Got more quotes for us? Email them here!